Thursday, April 20, 2006

Privacy, Please.

So, privacy and personal space is a big deal to me. I am not a real touchy feely person. I hate crying in front of people which often keeps me from reading scripture, prayers, hymns or spiritual thoughts out loud. Inevitably, when I do any of these I begin to blubber uncontrollably and I am not one of those talented types who can talk and cry at the same time.

Anyway, I am not big on sharing personal info. My husband, on the other hand (hi, My Love), doesn't seem to mind. When he found out I had started a blog he says, "Ya know what's cool? Now you can post pictures of the kids and the new baby and our family and friends can see them whenever they want." PANIC - PANIC! First of all, the thought of complete strangers being able to look at pictures of our kids makes me feel icky, and second, I didn't realize that people I know might be reading this! I don't know what I thought...perhaps strangers from another galaxy would begin reading my blog so there would be no danger of discussing my entries face to face. It didn't occur to me that people I know would be reading this or wanting to discuss something I wrote. Oh, the pain and anguish of accountability!

Not that the things I write are going to be off color in any sense of the phrase, but when I write I am in a completely different zone. Writing, for me, utilizes a totally different part of my brain that isn't always available in face to face combat situations. When writing I feel as if I am in complete control of myself. I do not stutter or repeat or make snarky comments that no one gets...ok, maybe I do that last one when I write, but at least I don't have to see the blank stares and hear the courtesy laughs.

I guess the real issue is that I have a fear of being a big, fat, hypocrite and not knowing it. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise to know that if anyone reads this it will most likely be someone I know. Be gentle. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do here.

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